Post-wedding reflection

It’s been over 2 months since our big fat Chinese wedding, and it’s taken until now for the photos to come back to us. In this post I thought I could share a few photos, and in between reflect on how the wedding went.

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In the weeks following the wedding, my husband and his parents talked a lot about how they thought it had gone. I’m sad to say that most of what I heard was negative. The wedding planner was too expensive, didn’t do a good job of planning, the decoration was too simple. The photos took too long, there weren’t enough, they weren’t good. The host didn’t listen to what we said, was really old-fashioned, downright hideous (maybe my words). This, that, the other went wrong.

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It makes me a little sad that I have to keep telling R to look at the positives: think about the happy memories we’ll have of singing in front of 200 people, wearing a posh suit/amazing dress, having both sets of parents together for possibly the only time. We gave his parents a lot of face, which is important to them, and it seems to me the Chinese equivalent of making them proud.

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This all reflects a part of Chinese culture I touched on before in my post on praise. The good things are just not mentioned, rather only the bad things are brought up and criticised.

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When it comes to my husband I don’t really get why he’s upset. I mean, a wedding day is not really the thing that boy dream about growing up. Neither he nor I were all that bothered about having the big shebang, and mainly did it for his parents. So why let it get to him? As for his parents, I really don’t think all their family and friends will have noticed all the issues. The food was fabulous (if you’re into seafood), the ‘ceremony’ resembled your average Chinese wedding ‘ceremony’ and lots of drinks were drunk. Not to blow my own trumpet, but I do think the thing the guests will be talking about is the yangxifu 洋媳妇 in the gorgeous red qipao 旗袍 😛 plus a whole table of rowdy foreigners (i.e. my family).

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On my part, I’m taking the ‘what’s done is done’ viewpoint and concentrating on the positives. Yes, there were things that annoyed me and things I wish we’d done differently, but it was a very special day and the only wedding day I’ll ever have (fingers crossed!) so what’s the point feeling bitter about it?

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20 thoughts on “Post-wedding reflection

  1. Congratulations! You two look gorgeous 🙂

    About the negative comments: doesn’t it lie in Chinese nature to complain about everything? Maybe it also rubbed of on you a little too. Just think about the good things from your big feast 🙂

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    • Yes, they just love to complain about value for money, etc like how the British love to complain about the weather.

      Unfortunately by the time we had finished toasting, the dishes were seriously depleted, but i had some leftovers 🙂

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  2. Look at the positive, I see photos are great! I especially like the first photo of you, you look amazing!

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  3. It looks like you had a lot of fun! I think it’s a very Asian thing to scrutinize weddings… unfortunately the parents and their friends compare a lot, but you can’t make everyone happy and you shouldn’t try. I think you are looking on the bright side, which is what they should do too!

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  4. Lovely photos!!! When I got married in China, my then-in-laws focused on all the negatives–the same things your in-laws discussed, except that we didn’t have a host or photographer. In any case, your photos are amazing and it sounds like you had a great time!

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  5. You do look fabulous, everyone looks happy, and at the end of the day, you are married! Hooray and congrats!!

    That being said, I hear you. According to my in-laws, my wedding was too far away, the weather was too cold, the inn was too old, and who ever saw SO MANY TREES! Who even NEEDS that many trees?! (I explain global warming. They ignore me.) Sometimes, whatever this daughter-in-law does isn’t right. Which is really, really hard when you put so much into your wedding.

    I’m glad you are able to brush off most of the commentary and focus on the good times. If you can keep that up in the face of the relentless criticism, it will serve you well. But if not, well, you can tell your new hubby how his negativity is hurting you. I mean, your husband can’t help how he feels, anymore than you can. But he can help how he acts.

    And sometimes men need to know that they are acting like spoiled children. (Full disclaimer, sometimes I also need to know this.)

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  6. Congratulations! You both looked beyond stunning 😀 I can tell you now that when D and I get married, we will have the same issues. The decor is too this, the food is too that, the photos are too this. But at the end of the day, it is YOUR wedding, so as long as you had fun, that’s what counts 😀

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  7. I’d say the pictures are great! My husband and I had a similar experience getting married here in the Philippines. But for us, the criticism happened before the wedding – and we felt constant pressure to follow everyone’s advice, but if we had, it wouldn’t have been “our” day. We tried our best, and of course there were things that went wrong (like the cake getting ruined during delivery), but it was still our special day that we won’t ever forget.

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  8. I think it’s most important that you enjoyed it! The little things that were wrong will be picked apart for a little bit, but in the end it’s the memories that the two of you have that will last the longest. Congratulations!

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  9. Pingback: 2016 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men | Speaking of China

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